The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Salt in my coffee
12:37 Nov 30 2006
Times Read: 643

Woke up with salty tears....empty...helpless. I had dream my brother shot me, my mom, his wife and himself. That did not help my already drained state of being. I have a busy weekend planned and really just want to stay in my bed and not get up again. I wished I could just rest and be loved. Why do I try? He is not receptive to anything that I throw his way. I asked him if he did not want me anymore? and the silence crushed me into a bloody pulp. What am I to say afterthat? Nothing to say...just salty tears for my coffee.

Digging Deep
04:21 Nov 29 2006
Times Read: 649

Today is gone....time passing away ...can't stop it.....can't change it...just have to accept it....he hurt me today....that is all that is all he has left to give to me....there is nothing..., an angel spoke and tried to convince me to go see the white coats again. I have nothing to consume to erase the thoughts or control the endless parade of craziness through my mind....so I cry...its all I can do...for now. Other options yes, but can no longer hide my outlets as they now are watching and judging. I have tried to rest for days now...but he is here as a constant reminder of how worthless I have become...only a monetary figure in his life...nothing more. My limbs ache for some sort of release....my mind leading me to the little treasure box....nothing but dull jewels remain....and will only lead me to more regret and shame. I can't muster the energy to get on the road...it is where I need to be...I need to breathe and feel the pavement beneath my feet...why can't I do this...I just continue to dig myself deeper into this pit of Hell that I call my life....but this is no life.

Scars
05:19 Nov 22 2006
Times Read: 658

The scars become more prominent each time I look into the mirror...scars on the inside and those of my flesh. Some self-inflicted and those that were not....equally ugly and a constant reminder of what pain I have endured. Nothing will remove them, not time, nor any fairy-tale endng to my life...I will carry them with me all 6 feet. The Marks of my life...scars.

Colder Now
16:31 Nov 20 2006
Times Read: 660

As each day passes and winter draws near....so does the coldness within. The story continues to unfold and every endless day runs into another...and the space between us continues to grow....separating us far from where we begun. Again I wonder when this journey will end or will it ever?....and what will be the breaking point...will it end in some tragedy brought on by a raging fit or just silence as one walks away...to drained to cry no more. As I draw the blankets up around my cold body and try to find warmth within their folds...I shiver uncontrollably....it is much colder now.

Warrior
12:34 Nov 06 2006
Times Read: 705




Buried at PhotoCasket.com



To My Warrior...



It has been a long time since our physical paths last crossed. You knew then what music my soul may play even before you heard that first melodic note.



Since that time you have grown into a warrior. No longer are you that one who hid behind silence so many years ago. No longer are you the one whose words were spoken for you. You have no fear now and speak from the heart without regard to those who may hear your words spoken with such conviction.



You have returned with such a fire that melts the very walls that have stood like a fortress for what seemed like an eternity. It is difficult not to push those flames away as it is in my nature to do so, and without the walls to protect me I am defenseless to those who desire to harm me.



Others who take and take in such away that it drains what little spirit remains to exist and never refills that empty void that one would call my soul. Emptiness...that is what I feel. Shaken by those who have trampled upon me over and over without hesitation and any compassion to what roads I have been forced to travel relentlessly thru my days. Bitter nights filled with lonliness with no one to hold nor to be held.



So, why is it that my heart desires to be unfraid once and for all and live as if there could be love again?



(To be continued)

Second time around
05:02 Nov 03 2006
Times Read: 710

What makes finding something old feel almost like new? It is still the same....or is it? Sometimes you find something old and discover it has tarnished. Although it may have haunted you in your sleep to be lost for so long...then you finally find it again....and your so excited....but then this thing...that you treasured for so long and truly was empty in its absence...isn't how you remembered....or maybe you were in denial of its true value from the start...because you were so jaded by its outer beauty that you were wrong...and therefore, wasted so much time worrying about it missing from your presence only to find it wasn't as you remembered the second time around.